She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
