hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
