apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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