I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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