just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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