Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
