yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
