Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
