She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
