I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
