i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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