once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
