I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
