I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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