Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
