i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
