Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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