Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
honey bunches of taint.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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