my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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