I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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