the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
