I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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