Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
