Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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