I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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