I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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