$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
