I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
