I think my fart just growled at me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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