I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
