I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
