Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
