I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
