OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
