i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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