The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
