Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
