The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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