my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
