he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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