I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
