I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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