Who wears a wallet chain?!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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