You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
