I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
