DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
