i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
