There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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