the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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