There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
my shit smells like andre
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
